Tuesday, February 5

Poor Second-Borns

Here's the problem. When I started this blog a little over two years ago, I had no children and plenty of extra time on my hands. Even during the first year of having Brock, there were multiple nap times (mostly his, occasionally mine) during which I could get things done. Unfortunately, those multiple naps have dwindled down to one, and usually it takes place before I even get off work, so it doesn't really help me out any. And not only have the naps disappeared with my growing toddler, but the housework and the cleaning necessities have increased as well.  So if I do happen to get a free period, like a late nap or someone kidnapping Brock for a couple of hours, that time usually has to be devoted to clearing a walking path in my living room or washing the dishes that are starting to grow foreign substances on them. Even with a very helpful and conscientious husband, there just aren't enough child-free hours in the day to get everything done that I would like to get done.

One of those things that never gets done anymore is blogging. I still think of things on a regular basis that I could write about, and I still have a desire to make new posts, but generally if I am given a moment where I could enjoy some leisurely activity, I tend to choose the path of least mental exertion and find myself watching Downton Abbey or taking my own nap.

As I was eating lunch today and being punched and kicked from the inside by little Roman (yes, that is a blog post I never made... We found out baby #2 is another boy and his name will be Roman Ellis Vandegriff), it occurred to me that my poor second child has only had one blog post dedicated to him. And even that one wasn't exclusively his post because it featured a bunch of Brock's pictures and talked about Brock becoming an older brother. It also occurred to me that it's been 4 months since I've written a post, so I felt ashamed of what my blogging has become. In order to keep the blog from becoming completely comatose, I thought I'd share a little list that has been accumulating in my mind about the differences I already see in the way I will parent my second-born based on how I've handled my second pregnancy. Roman, I'd like to go ahead and apologize to you in advance for any negative outcomes this has on your personality or success in life.

1. Obviously, the first difference is that there are fewer blog posts written about him. Mostly this is because his brother consumes the majority of my free time, but admittedly it's also because everything is less new and unknown so I don't think about things in the same way or with the same frequency that I did during my first pregnancy.

2. I'm not counting down the weeks in excitement or anticipation like I did the first time. With Brock, I remember being so anxious to get my weekly updates and find out what fruit his size was comparable to during that week of development. This time, I've actually found myself hoping the pregnancy will slow down and give me a little more time to prepare myself mentally. Of course, while my first pregnancy seemed to last forever, this one seems to have flown by.

3. I haven't read any parenting books or treated the What to Expect book like it was a second Bible. I guess having experienced it all now, I feel like I know what to expect and there's nothing that I need to read about. I've probably actually forgotten everything though and will be taken completely by surprise when he gets here.

4. I've been eating deli meat. I don't think I touched a turkey sandwich the whole time I was pregnant with Brock. I remember reading that it could be unsafe for pregnant women and could cause some kind of medical problems, so I didn't eat a bite of it and was so proud of myself. This time around I think I have had a turkey sandwich at least twice a week. I can't help it though really... it's what I've been craving. I will feel very bad if it does cause some kind of complication, but I think the root of it is that I'm just not as worried or nervous about things with this second child.

5. While I don't think I bought a single used item for Brock when he was born, poor Roman will barely have a single new item that he owns. I remember going to consignment sales to shop for Brock but not being able to bring myself to buy used things for my little, clean, untarnished newborn. That is no longer my philosophy as I realized last week while I was sorting out Roman's hand-me-down bibs from his brother according to whether the stains were noticeable or not. And I'm finding that it's just more economical to buy used stuff. Roman will probably just be less snobby than Brock.

I do have a lot of nervousness about whether I will treat my two children fairly, whether I'll have a favorite, whether I'll give them both the right amount of attention and affection, whether I'll totally screw up their personalities with my parenting techniques, whether Brock will have a mental breakdown when he realizes he's not the only child anymore. But even though I know that things will be different this second time, I can't imagine loving Roman any less than I do Brock, and I hope that whatever differences there are in the way I respond to my second-born will enhance his life more than they cause problems. Or at least I hope that he will be successful enough in life to afford the therapy he might need later on.  ;)

1 comment:

  1. Loved reading this! I wish more parents were open and honest about these concerns as you've been. Congrats. I always said if I ever had a child, and had a say in the matter, I'd only have one, but you have made me rethink this entirely in a good way! As always love your humor!